Wednesday, 16 March 2011

Scared to live

I won’t be surprised if I die tomorrow, but I’m really afraid of leaving my house after thinking about some things a while ago. Last Thursday a 19 years old guy was shot and killed not far from where I live, actually only 3 minutes from my place, and it was in my own neighbourhood. So I’m really scared if the murders would come again to kill someone innocent. I just imagined that what if they would rape me because I’m a girl and then kill me?.. and what if they didn’t killed me but just raped me? How would I be able to keep on living? Actually I was wondering if people would ask me if I could remember the rapist’s face, and if I could, would I dare to tell the police?

To be honest I don’t think I would, I would be afraid of them trying to finding me and actually kill me. Not even if the police offered some kind of protection I wouldn’t dare.. also because I like to go to Parkour, Japanese lessons and other things I do in my spare time, and with protection I don’t think I would be able to leave the house after 5 or 6 pm. Would my life just end like that then? And what if I get killed? Will all my dreams and hopes just get broken in a blink of the eye? I don’t really know. And I’m scared to find out, I just hope things will settle/relax a bit.. because I like the night a lot, and I like to be able to take a night walk under the starry sky ★ and with the things which just happened my mom would NEVER allow it D:

I know I usually say F*ck my life, just kill me now, shoot me etc etc. complaining about my life and that people should just go ahead and kill me now, I have had enough, but well not a surprise I actually don’t mean those things, I love my life and pretty much where I am now. My friends are supportive, my classmates understand our differences, most of my teachers are nice and really good at teaching~ So I’m pretty happy where I am now. Also I have got my own room, still under process though but it’s here and well it’s big and I can sit on the floor doing homework!~ I’m so happy.

Or there is something which still bugs me, my mother and I just don’t seem to understand each other, we fight a lot and have problems speaking normally to each other. Once again we had a fight, and well I almost started to cry again and I just felt that I wanted to scream. My mom wants us to move to Århus so badly! She wants us to go live with her boyfriend in his house, it’s not because I dislike him (anymore) but Århus is just far away, I don’t have as many friends there, my high school is wonderful and I don’t want to change to another, I like my parkour teachers and teammates, I don’t want new ones. I know Copenhagen really well and know where all the good shops are, Århus is almost a maze for me. I just don’t like the entire idea of Århus. But my mom just always seems to get upset whenever she comes home and want us to move over there because it’s so much better bla bla bla.. but it’s just not the same! No matter how you look at it, Århus will never be Copenhagen and I will never feel as home in Århus as I do here right now in Copenhagen. I just don’t want to move.. ;__; but I think my mother has kinda given up now, but well I’ll see how it is tomorrow.. I have a headache now D: (my internet was confiscated yesterday, because my mom was mad at me... so well.. I could first post this now.. ^^;)

Sry for another ranting post with no pictures, and I don’t really know what kind of pictures I can post in there.. ;__; but here is a picture which always makes me happy~

Jonghyun is so cute! ;w; and the little kid is so adorable! >w< I want to hug both of them tightly~

and One piece, Katekyo hitman reborn and Fairy tail also always touch me a lot and makes me smile or cry in a good way~ The new chapters was incredible, as always I can't wait for the next chapter

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  1. Jeg håber alting ordner sig <3

  2. Sorry to say it, men hvor er din mor dog egoistisk!
    Bliv her i København.. Ellers finder vi et sted til dig! :)

    Og hvis du har det så skidt med at forlade dit hjem lige pt., så prøv at arrangere at der er nogen der følger dig i skole om morgenen, og hjem <3

  3. *OGJGKJNDJIGBJKGK* JONGHYUN AND YOOGEUN!!!! <3<3<3<3 (Undskyld, jeg fangirler automatisk når det er SHINee -.-)

    Men Lina, cheer up! Don't be paranoid XD Forstår godt at du er bange, men det skal ikke stå i vejen for, hvad du har lyst til at gøre! Og Lii-chan, chancerne for at du bliver raped, er ret ret små, så lad være med at tænke så meget på det!

    Og det er virkelig surt, at du måske skal flytte til Århus. People will miss you here in CPH ;3;
    På den ene side forstår jeg godt, at hun vil bo sammen med sin kæreste, men på den anden side, så er det synd at du ikke har noget at skulle have sagt. Hun må tænke på at alle dine venner er her, og også at du lige er startet på en ny skole ;-;
    Håber at alt ordner sig i sidste ende <3

  4. You shouldn't think such things!!! But I understand you, that sounds very scary ;_;

    Moving can be very hard - but you'll gain new friends in Aarhus and you can always visit the old :)
    I have lots of friends on Zealand even though I live in Aalborg!
    And it's only natural your mom think every thing's better in Aarhus - as long as her boyfriend lives there!

  5. oh dear, I could never imagine living a place where such things could happen :C *pets*
    But good to hear that you are happy in spite of the bad things happening, life is always worth being happy for : D
    Hope that things will get better with your mom

  6. Agree with Sascha, you shouldn't think of such things - but I do understand you. Scenes happens close, always scare the hell out of me too.

    Maybe you and your mom could make an agreement, and stay a year more in Copenhagen? - then you could find a dormitory or a small apartent? Even though it would be scary and a big step n___n' but I do understand your mom, that she wants to move. But I'm sure you'll find new friends in Århus very fast, if you are going to move there - and Denmark is luckily not that big ~ <3

    Text me if you need to talk, okay?