Thursday, 4 March 2010

»Thinking too much

Yesterday I came home at 22:00~ so late ;A; and I still got homework to do, so I went to bed really late.. I blogged too... ^^; my mom wasn't home so it was easy to stay up.. not like now.. my mom is sleeping though but she might wake up at any moment and then it's goodbye entry.. xD;

but today in school I was really tired we had 9 lessons... so I stayed in school from 8:00 to about 15:40... at first I may not pay much attention but I knew that I was excluded.. In the german class I really felt excluded.. Like the girl from my class tried to take the person in school I liked the most away from me... just because the person she usually talked to was on vacation.. but I guess it's just my imagination.. but when they 'excluded' me I began thinking.. Like I usually do and often do too much.. I thought of 1 Litre no Namida I became really sad and I couldn't stand to be together with them.. so I run of to the toilet in the break and sat out there in pretty long time.. I actually think I cried.. LOL too sensitive.. Listening to Going under - Evanescence wasn't the best idea either so.. yeah..

The rest of the day I hardly talked to the girl from my class... she slept the most of the time.. and I was like; slepping, listen to music, drawing, looking at different people infront of the school etc.. Then in the 3 last lessons we saw a 2 hours long documentary.. It was about school shooting. I almost began crying.. some of the things were horrible, other melancholy and some too scary for me.. Like war and stuff.. School shooting is INSANE! I understand the desire of revenge and the feeling of being bullied but taking other peoples life isn't the solution!

In the movie there were cartoons too! one of them were~

South Park!
some of the bullied didn't shoot people but made a Cartoon with their Anger.. a really violence one! xD I actually talked with the boys in my class about it.. I Laughed my ass off! xD Seriously! It was so much fun! ^^ I saw some episodes with them and I never thought it would turn out like that! I am thinking about watching it or only some episodes... I don't think I'll be a fan just watch some episodes for fun! I might ask my Grand Uncle(He is a teen.. not an old mand who don't have a life.. xD) if I can borrow his DVDs ^^ So funny.. still laughing a bit when I'm thinking on it!

I meet my old crush on the way home.. didn't talked to him, just looking and smiling... He has changed a lot and still has the cute look but yeah not my type anymore I guess.. but maybe someday I hope we can be friends at least ^^;

It's Thurday today so I was at Japanese classes too! My friend already went there so I needed to walk alone in the darkness ;A; SCARY! so not to freak out I began thinking AGAIN! first my mind went to my dream.. I might not go too much in details since I don't want to be killed.. In my dream my BFF threaten to kill the person who has did the horrible thing, after her opinion.. and sorry to say it but It was me who had did 'the horrible thing'... I didn't tell her the truth in the dream because I knew she really would kill me or freeze me out if she knew it.. I was an exchange student in Japan, and had lived there for a pretty long time and I needed to go home in a week or so. Let's just say something happened with a band and something turned out wrong. I had failed my BFF.. but.. I don't regret it because if she was my BFF she would accept it.. but I'm not worried(Okay maybe a bit..) because I'm 100000% sure I won't meet that band, they are too famous and popular for that to happened.. and in the dream I was scared to tell her because she would criticize me and tell me that it would never happened... but it did.. but I'm not worried in IRL.. because I know I won't meet the band ^^ and even if I were to the changes for the thing to happening is 1 to 100000000000000000000000000... xD

I began thinking about another dream I once had.. my other BFF and I were in the forest and my BFF walked into a weird house with poisined sweets and tea.. It was Alice in Wonderland The mad hatter place but without a Mad hatter.. The sweets made you forget things and made you sleepy.. actually I can't remember more about the dream.. but It were so realistic.. like a beautiful house or balcony in the middle of the forest.. but yeah..

The last thing I thought of was friendship... I actually categorize people.. Like:
Best Friend(BFF)
Very good friend
Good Friend
Activity mate
and Strangers

of course there is family but that don't count.. I began thinking about if me and my BFF's wasn't BFF's anymore.. my mind became really dark.. or 'mean'... It would be weird.. and that reminded me of my BFF not answering my sms.. if she don't want to answer the questions just say it?! and then I thought.. I'm just too stupid.. if you don't want to answer a question you don't answer... *siiigh* but I still wish for she will answer me... Don't want to scream out.. I'll just use notesblock~

but yeah I finally came to Japanese... I think it was the best lesson ever.. I was so Happey.. I talked to Liv again.. Usually I don't talk so much with her at Japanese anymore... I think maybe it's because the girl who usually talk with Liv wasn't there today.. I don't know If I should be happy or sad about that.. because I actually Like Line but right now we don't talk together.. I still remember the reason.. I was hurt by her, but she didn't do it on purpose. Unfortunately I hurted her too.. but I'm the type who isn't good at forgiving people or forget what they did, so the thing is still on my mind everytime I see her.. but she told me she had forgiven me so I hope someday I'll be such a good person as her! I'm still Sorry Line.. Line-sempai.. It's just so hard for me to forget it. I talked a lot with Liv at the way home too!~ talked about education to avatar(Cartoon) to Yugioh! to Bakugan to yeaah a lot of stuff!~~

When I came home.. for about 45 minutes ago.. I was thinking about blogging.. and about BFFs again.. I still think we have some unsolved problems.. but none of us dare to bring them up because we are scared to lose each other.. or some of us are.. Don't talk for others.. you can't read their minds.. even though I wished I could!.. Then I would understand my friends much better.. Right now I'm thinking about something Line told me.. Do you know the feeling, like you have friends for different purposes.. Like some friends are better to hang out with, some better to talk to, some better to be serious with, and some better to etc... and Yeah I actually know that feeling.. and I think it's odd and mean because a friend should be someone you can do all the stuff with... not just some of them.. sometimes I just fell like I'm the HTML-source/Graphic-maker/Website nerd friend for some people.. and yeah I am good at that stuff but that doesn't mean I can't do anything else..

Normally BFF is a person close to you, a person you hang out with a lot and it is the person that understands you the best.. My BFFS and I live far away from each other.. Usually the BFF is a person in your class or someone you see often.. In that case is doesn't matter if the person changes and becomes more mature because you can see the development and get used to it.. not like if you live far apart the changes must be a shock for you when you see each other again.. People ALWAYS Grow and change.. It's part of live.. we just need to accept it and be happy for the person.. but we don't love a persons for it appearance but their personality. The appearance can change and you can still love the person, even though you had a shock but if the personality changes it might be harder to love and accept a whole new person. Of course you could start with not giving up, if that person really is important to you, you should keep trying, but I wouldn't exert myself in vain, if I know that the 'new person' won't accept me or trying to understand me neither. Love goes two ways not one.

First time I ever described my feelings so much in english.. there might be a lot of grammar mistakes and maybe also spelling mistakes.. I'll read it tomorrow for mistakes too tied!

Goodnight people~ sweet dreams.. I think I'll get a nightmare tonight though.. ^^;

Mood: Happy
Music: Loveless - Yamashita Tomohisa(Yamapi)
Consuming: Nothing
Creativity: Thinking of making a layout
Addicted to: Japanese
Doing: writing~

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